Death comics by Neil Gaiman, fan fiction (language, possible trigger)
by C.G. Nixol
Summary: Violet deals with that time of year again, where all of her memories raise hell in her head. But this year, just maybe, she might of met the one person who can help her out of her hole. But will she make it through the experience alive?
1. Chapter 1

I am tall, well, tall for a girl at least. Last I checked, I was 5'7" and weighed 116. It is October 4th, and I'm sitting here, at my window, waiting to see the rain. The bright sun on this cloudless day taunts me. Why am I watching for rain on a day like this? Good question. As of late, rain seems to be the only thing that I can really enjoy. Rain makes me forget. Rain to me is like ecstasy to a druggie, in a crowd of half naked women, in a tight area, at a concert. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Like there is something after this, something that I can believe in. As for why I'm looking for it now, well that's because it's October 4th. The anniversary of the first day I tried to kill myself last year.

October 4th, of last year: _My arm wasn't bleeding this time. I had changed. Not for the better though. I changed strategies. Instead of slitting my wrists, I just burnt them. That way I couldn't accidentally slip and kill myself and there was less mess. Instead I had these long strips of sickly yellow bubbles pussing out of my arm, and soft red-pink pale fleshy skin as a backdrop to my yellow bubbles. But really what was the point of keeping it from accidentally killing me? Where would I go afterwords, isn't that the question everyone wants to know? Why don't I find out now? Besides, I've experienced enough life to realize that I can't stand another word of it. So I grabbed my pill jars. I opened the rigid white cap and poured out a hand full of these long skinny pills, that on one side said 300, and on the other side was the word seroquel. I had a handful, of maybe ten or fifteen. And I shoved them in my mouth violently drinking water and swallowing them down. The next thing I remember is that I was in the hospital getting my stomach pumped. _

So I waited, sitting on the chair across the kitchen looking out the window staring at the damned cloudless sky. If it didn't rain today I didn't know what I would do. I needed it to rain, my memories were already seeping back into my mind. The voices were already taking their chairs in my brain so that they can begin their conference of violent yelling and arguing. I needed at least something, before everything came back. Everything was always their behind a curtain waiting for when I was alone. But today they would come inevitably, and full force. It seems like the longer I live, the more memories I get, the more bad memories can be thrown into my face once I'm alone. I lean back from my frantic anticipating position on the creaky wooden chair and grab out a fresh pack of smokes from my green army jacket that I wear constantly. I take one out, stick it between my teeth, and get out my green lighter. I need it, I know it's bad, but I need it. It eases the voices, the memories it calms it down. It doesn't get rid of them, but it gives me something else to focus on. I light up, and set the lighter carefully on the table so that its standing up and lined up with the crease on the table. I huffed in the fumes of my poisonous obsession.

Then I heard a soft female voice, and I crumbled down into my self sliding deeper into the chair. The voices were finally here, weren't they? And they sound so real compared to before.

"Hello-oo... any one home?" The voice spoke again. It was different though, it felt like it was coming from outside. I glanced around quickly, and saw a shadow in the window. Quickly I closed my eyes.

"Not again, not again." I chanted to myself while holding my head, Not another hallucination. And then there was soft knocking. I turned around quickly to face my fear, and I was looking through the window at a beautiful girl with short black choppy bits of hair that fell into her face. She Had crazy black eyeliner and makeup. Her skin was pale as snow, and she wore all black. Her black skinny jeans were ripped at the knees, and her long black over coat was frazzled at the edges. On her jacket was a large yellow happy face button, and around her neck was a silver chain with a large silver ankh that hung down to her belly button. She was utterly enchanting, and a smile was spread across her face, dimples sprouted on her cheeks and her white teeth stood out amongst the blackness of her clothing.

Then I felt something flick my lip, and something hot hit my hand. It sat there for a bit as I stared at the beautiful girl through the window. And then there was a sizzle and my hand burned like crazy. As a natural reaction my hand flew up ward tossing whatever had been on it, off. I looked to find a burn mark and ash sitting on my hand, I softly wiped it off, and went and opened the door.

"You shouldn't leave lit cigarettes on the carpet like that." The girl said suddenly very serious. I glanced back at the carpet, where my cigarette was littering ash all over, and touched my lip, I guess it had fallen out and I hadn't really noticed. I picked it up and put it out in the ash tray on the table.

"May I come it?" The girl asked while my back was turned.

"Uhh... " I glanced back at her, she was stunningly beautiful " Sure why not? Make yourself comfortable, what can I do you for?" I asked the girl, looking back at her she was sitting interestingly on the arm of the couch, legs crossed and back straight, her hands rested on her knees. She sat unnaturally still. A dirty thought emerged into my mind, and I quickly shoved it off. A grin spread across her lips, like she knew something I didn't know she knew.

"So what's your name?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Well, many things... but the latest, and most common is probably Didi. Well the last me decided Didi. I think I'll stick with it, as cliché as the name may be. Yours is, hmm, Violet." She asked in more of a telling than asking tone.

"How'd you know?" I asked astonished.

"Violet Anne Carraway. Born from a rich family and an only child, but then your father was arrested for Fraud and you and your mother lost everything. Your mother started cheating on your father while he was locked up. Then your mother tried to keep the house, causing a stressful situation, because you no longer had any money. So she kicked you out to make ends tie... right? You are in between roommates, because your last roommate killed himself. In the upstairs hallway, right? Heh, I know you all too well Violet. Me and him remember when you found his body, he finally felt like someone cared about him when you cried over his bloody mess. But then the police showed up and you were completely composed. Not even a hint of pain, You're good at hiding Violet, well practiced. I wonder why you haven't tried to get rid of the house?" She rang off like she knew me her whole life. Pure shock whistled through my head. But I stayed straight faced.

"How did you know? uh... how do you know him?"

"Why didn't you leave violet? Money problems? No one would buy? Or was it because you liked it? You liked the character the house got from your memories of him, and how you can still see the blood stain even when no one else can?" Didi whispered, as if this secret was only for me.

"I-... I don't know. It just didn't work for me. T-they wanted me to stay. So I did."

"They?"

"yes, the … the people."

"Have you ever met one of these 'people'?"

"Well... no. But I know them well. They like me, I'm a prodigy for their army. They say I'm fit for the job, I just need to prove my obedience... But why am I telling you this?! You aren't supposed to know about them!" I say shaky. I can tell her about my voices. I can't. She'll think I'm insane.

"Ms. Carraway, please. I already know you're insane. I've been watching you for a long time, because you spiked my interest. And it could be that you were being watched by me that made you considerably more insane, or your insanity just took it's natural course. Either way, I always knew it would progress, thats why I watch you. Insanity is not a bad thing, I have many friends that have it-"

"Wait... you-you watch me?! Who the hell are you?" I interrupted her.

"You know who I am, violet. Everyone knows, deep down, who I really am. We talked last year... about this time. You were burning? Right?"

"G-get out." I said trying trying to keep my voice flat. So many memories were bursting out of their cages. I grabbed my head, and felt a warm tear drip off the edge of my nose. "no, no, no, no, no" I chanted my mantra. Put it back in, put it all back in. They can't show their faces again, I can't let them! I can't see it again.

" You need to." She sad sadly.

"What the fuck are you talking about!? I need nothing! I am my own person! I am strong! Just put them back!" I screamed, and fell to the floor. I remembered the blood, the smell, everything I could feel it. His empty face staring up at me, there was nothing there. And for some reason, that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part, was that I felt utterly alone, again. I slammed my palm into my face, quickly. With a thud, I knocked myself backwards. I felt my nose sting and suddenly wetness slid down my face in a never ending stream. I looked down, and red was everywhere. It would touch something, and then that something would touch something else and it would suddenly be full force in all three places, it wouldn't stop, I felt like I was drowning, it was everywhere. So I closed my eyes, and imagined the blood held all of my cages full of memories. And it was flowing out of me, all of my memories. So relaxed and I breathed.

"Violet, you shouldn't hurt youself. It won't help. It just distracts you. You need help" Didi's voice said caringly to me. I opened my eyes, and suddenly her beautiful face was right next to mine. Her pale hands with black nails held a small red rag that cleaned up the blood on my face Or, more likely smeared it all over my face.

"How do I get rid of the memories?" I cried out in agony. I have never broken like this in front of someone before.

" The thing about memories is that, you can't get rid of them" Didi said with empathy. 'You can't get rid of them', those words echoed through my head. They were my end. My doom. "You have to face them." She said bravely. Maybe she was just being brave for me?

"No, no, I can't. I can't see them anymore. I can't do that!" I yelled shoving her away. I felt bad for pushing her, and worse for smeared red all over her black coat, but she just smiled at me.

"Violet, you need to accept that they happened to you. You will never be able to be happy, or forget about them, until you accept them." Didi said, brushing my hair behind my ear. She was so lovely and caring. Could I really say no?

But then the face I never wanted to see again, came back. The wrinkles, the dark bags under his eyes. The cigar smoke, and chocolate brown hair. His scruffy face, with black five o'clock shadow all over it. I screamed, I couldn't see him again! I closed my eyes, but he was there. He was everywhere.

"Get away!" I screamed and crawled backwards into the wall, blood smeared across the floor, but I think my nose stopped bleeding.

"Violet, you have to see him. Let it come, it will hurt, but it will help in the end." Didi said. I shook my head violently. My head was pounding in pain. I slammed it into the wall behind me.

"Please! Please" I sobbed, how could someone destroy me so easily? "Why are you doing this?"

"Well... I've watched you long enough to know that if I left you for another year, I would have another person to take with me to my realm, and you're not ready for that violet. You are young and beautiful, and intelligent, I can't bring myself to take you away for no reason. So I need to help. Yes, you will die eventually. Everyone does. But, I decided I would try to help... in exchange for something."

"What? Why? Please, just take me." I cried. I would rather go than face my memories. But I guess that's death, you never get a choice in the matter, things just happen.

"I need you to accept your memories as a part of you, or I can't let you stay." Didi said gravely.

"I won't accept. Just let me die."

"You don't really want that, violet." Didi whispered. She was right, I didn't know what I wanted, but facing memories, wasn't it.


	2. Chapter 2

The room went completely dark.

"Didi?" I asked in a week voice, that surprised me. Clearing my throat loudly I tried again, and it cracked again. Finally I gave up and just tried to wait for my eyes to adjust. A silhouette of Didi appeared, I strained my eyes to see her. She was motioning towards a direction. I followed her hand, but in my peripheral there was pure blackness where she stood and where she was pointing. When my eyes finally landed on the supposed spot she was pointing, I saw him. And it wasn't dark anymore.

Infact, it was quite light. They were in an oversized court room. Everything was the wrong size, and seemed bigger and wider than a normal court room should. Didi was sitting on the judges desk holding the tiny wooden mallet between her fingers. A strong scent of oranges blew through the room, and sharp pains cut through the back of my neck. I winced and grabbed my neck, noticing the scars on my wrist were bleeding.

"How curious?" I said touching the blood with my fingers. It was fresh, and wet. "I haven't made these since I was..."

"7? … 9?" Didi asked. "When you were dealing with the trials? Right? You were a very serious child, weren't you? You understood more than the other kids, and cared less of games. You were forced to grow up." Didi echoed softly through the room. My chest ached with each word.

"Shut up." I spit back acid.

"Face it. Or it will get worse." and with her words it did. It started with my older sister sitting up near the judge's seat. Her black hair falling infront of her face, and her tears falling rapidly on her dress. She sobbed silently, shoulders falling and rising and her face was scrunched in agony.

Slowly as I turned around the room people started appearing. The jury, one by one. First the old woman sitting closest to the judges seat, than the white haired cowboy sitting farthest. Then the ones without a face in nice clothes filled in the middle rows. The judge, large and wrinkled sat high in his chair. Then the music begun to play.

"I don't remember this during the actual trial? Why is it so loud?" I asked Didi. She smiled.

"The night before, remember, in the motel? You had went to bed, with music in your ears. You couldn't hear anything else, and everyone left you alone for the night." Didi said, as if she had been there too. I begun to recall the music that was playing.

"Papa Roach..." I said quietly. It's strange to hear rock like that in a court room. It's strange to hear music at all.

Then the audience begun to fill in. I saw my mother first. Her long straight brunette hair pulled back into a braid that curled around her shoulder. Her makeup was running, and half her face was covered by her beautiful pale hands. A gold ring flashed, with a sapphire stone in the center. She sat alone.

My father sat two seats behind her his head down, he was shaking. His wife touched his back softly cooing. My father had a suit on, his jacket was off though, and his black curly hair was gelled just barely. His wife wore a blue dress her blond ringlets of hair rested perfectly behind her ears.

And then the other side begun to appear. Police, and guards, and the man with green eyes. The man with green eyes sat in black and white stripes on a metal silver chair. His face was long, and unshaved. He had horrible black bags under his eyes, and his lips were cracked.

"Him... He... No."

"Shhh, look at him, you know he's there. Look at him." Didi said softly

"No!" I screamed and my face fell into my hands while I collapsed onto the bash carpet. I was wearing a black and white dress, with leggings, and a pink bow. I could only cry harder.

"Stop!" I screamed. And then the huge wooden doors opened, and a younger version of me came out. She had long hair, and wore the black and white dress I had on. Her face was wide, and her eyes were closed. A tear rolled down her cheek as she passed the man with green eyes. I closed my eyes to her. I closed my eyes to all of it. I couldn't watch myself testify. I couldn't relive any of it. Not again.

Then the music faded, and Didi sat next to me.

"Violet, open your eyes." Didi whispered to me, while she touched my back. I listened, and my eyes opened. I was sitting in a brown room, and there was an oversized bed that looked so soft. A tv sat on a dresser and it stood like a skyscraper over us.

"Daddy, do you have to leave?" My soft voice echoed into the room. I looked to find a stark naked child version of me standing in the center of the floor. My face scrunched as I saw the white-clear liquid spread over my chin and chest. The younger version of me took no notice to the annoying dried cum spots.

"Yes. But I have something for you." The green eyed man said to me. I looked genuinely surprised and happy. He took a knee infront of my tiny naked body. My eyes closed, I couldn't see this the memories.

"I wore it when I was a child" The green eyed mans voice said softly. I opened my eyes to see him put a cross around my neck. The younger me's hand flew straight up to the cross to look at it. "Don't lose it."

"I promise I won't." I said hugging the green eyed man.

"It's amazing that was actually a bonding moment. God what a disgrace." I spit at the bedroom carpet. "My life doesn't evolve around just him you know." I said towards Didi.

"You're right." She smiled.

And suddenly we were in the court yard of my middle school. My hair was short, I wore all black, and I stared at people in disgust.

"This was after the green eyed man was put away forever. I think you won't like the change as much." Didi said, taking a seat on a stone bench. The school bell had just rung, and my younger self was sitting on a stone bench in the corner. I walked closer to her, as more children (that happened to be my size) filled the court yard. Around her neck was a broken cross, and after she had thrown her huge back pack over her shoulder she started scratching her leg. On her arm were burn marks, that weren't bad. But she wouldn't stop scratching her leg. Then I remembered why the younger me was scratching.

"Hey. Hey! Stop, or you'll-..." I said trying to make her hear me. But then her face showed a cutting pain, and her pant leg wear she was scratching at, soaked and begun to drip a black- red liquid. Her hand grabbed at her leg.

"The scrapes and the cuts, you dumb ass." I said quietly. Her hand became red. Quickly she took her jacket off and wrapped it around herself. She stood up, and rushed through the crowd. Didi and I followed her.

Once she was off of the school ground her breath got louder, and an inhaler was pulled out of her back pack. She huffed it loudly, twice. Then went to return it to that small front pocket of her backpack, but something stopped her. A tan hand came out of no where grabbing her wrist. It was Christian, The Hispanic boy that lived next to her. Her squeezed her wrist until her hand was forced open, dropping her inhaler. She whined quietly with pain. Then a pale boy with bruises on his arms came up from behind christian. He picked up the inhaler, and brushed the dirt off.

"Skyler, and Christian. Damnit, leave her alone." I said wishing they could hear me.

Skyler fiddled with the inhaler and kept walking past them. Christian laughed and followed Skyler. Dropping Violet's wrist. She grabbed her arms close to her body at first. A purple mark showed where Christian had grabbed her. She slowly started following the boys.

"I-... I need that." She said meekly.

"Oh, what was that?" Skyler asked, throwing the inhaler way up into the air than catching it again. Christian giggled and led them through the desert towards the park near the house.

"W-where are you guys going?" She asked.

"Some where you'll like. It has no people, and it's very quiet."  
"You'd like that, won't you freak. Seclusion. It's your only friend." Skyler made a hearty laugh, but his words rang through Violet's soul.

"Please. I just want my inhaler." Violet asked.

"You'll get it back... maybe." Christian said.

"The park is always empty, and Christian and Skyler were always such perverts. Are they going to?..." I asked Didi. She shrugged.

"It's your memories." She said.

"Then why can't I remember them?"

"Skyler, go check the bathroom. I'll get her clothes." Christian said.

"But I wanted to get her clothes." Skyler said then ran off to the bathroom. Christian grabbed Violet's arm roughly. Violet winced, but stayed silent.

"Drop the back pack." Christian ordered. Violet did, she didn't mind, it was heavy and it was easier to run with out it. Christian grabbed at her hoodie around her waste, but Violet quickly dodged, and sucker punched his stomach. But she hadn't hit any organs, which surprised her. Only a wall. Christian's eyes still bulged out slightly, but he retaliated. He grabbed her shirt and tugged hard, Making her fall towards him. She heard the fabric rip. He grabbed her and dragged her towards the bathroom.

"Let me go. Please, Ill do anything, just let me go." Violet was quiet and tears flooded her face.

"What's that, can't hear you." Christian said opening the door to the bathroom. Violet stopped breathing in fear. Christian tossed her into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and blocking it. He expected her to make another run for it. But she just laid there.

When he had thrown her in, she was so dizzy with fear and loss of breath that she didn't catch herself from hitting the floor, and her head had slammed into the floor tiles. She laid practically lifeless on the dirty ground.

"Could that be why I don't remember?" I asked in disgust. Then everything went black.

"Wait?! But what happened?!" I yelled. At the darkness. Didi appeared next to me.

"They took off your shirt, and the hoodie around your waist, but when they saw the blood from your self harm they though you were on your period and became grossed out. They never raped you.

"Little boys." I said to myself. Then the darkness disappeared again. I was still in the bathroom. I saw Violet was up. She was splashing water on her face, and stared for a few minutes at herself in the mirror. Then gathered her stuff and left the park. The blood on her pants was dry. She walked home, in silence.

Once she was finally home, She went into her room and turned on the Killers CD closing the door soflty.

"Save some face, you know you've only got one. Change your ways, while your young." Violet sang with the CD. "Boy one day you'll be a man." She hummed the tune, as she took off her pants. "Smile like you mean it." She went into her bathroom and turned on the sink putting the pants under the hot water. She couldn't really hear the music anymore. She took off the rest of her clothes and turned on the shower. Turning the sink off, She sat on the toilet seat and touched her self inflicted wounds on her thighs. She stepped into the shower and begun to wash off the disgusting scent of boy, and bathroom floor. Her legs stung as the water shot at it.

"Well... my life wasn't too bad. Just a little crazy." I said to Didi. Didi didn't respond.


	3. Chapter 3

The second I said those words I regretted them.

"Violet!" Loud fists pounded the door. Violet jumped, almost slipping on the wet floor.

"Y-yea?"

"Get your ass out here!" The guy on the otherside of the door yelled.

"Uhm... Why?" Violet asked, but soon regretted even speaking.

"Don't fucking ask me stupid questions! Just get your ass out here!" Violet quickly turned off the water, and wrapped herself in a towel.

"I-i'm sorry."

"Don't fucking lie to me, stupid cunt!" The man on the other side of the door, grabbed Violet's arm.

"What did I do this time?"

"Lose the god damn attitude, spoiled brat." He screamed at her face. Violet stood quietly, while his hand gripped her arm tighter and tighter.

"Sit on the couch." He said. Violet did as she was told. He stomped into her room turning off her music, and sounding like he was throwing her stuff around. Again.

"You came home two hours late, you little slut. Whens school end again?"

" at two, Alex." Violet said straight faced.

"Will you ever fucking call me dad? Your brothers do." Alex said angrily. Violet stayed silent.

"Whatever, well either way you're supposed to be home around two. Not fucking four thirty!" Alex screamed at her face again. Violet didn't move.

"You were fucking around weren't you?! God your such a cunt!"

"What..." Violet asked quietly, she had heard him, she just didn't understand his accusation.

"You were being a little whore, and sleeping around!" Alex screamed.

"What?" Violet couldn't even think straight, was he serious? Alex grabbed her face in his hands and squeezed.

" You're a fucking whore!" Alex yelled. Violet cringed at his face being so close to hers. She wanted him to let go. Anything, just let go. Let go, she screamed inside her head. She couldn't say it out loud though. Never. She observed his face. And thought about taking his huge stupid nose in between her teeth and ripping it off his face. He finally dropped her face, but he didn't move from her. She leaned back as far from him as possible.

"you're so rude." She whispered. Then quickly covered her mouth. She didn't think she had said that out loud. She prayed he hadn't heard. But of course, He picked his huge hand up and slapped her across the face. She held as still as possible, trying to hold eye contact with him, Surprise shook her body though.

"Now you're glaring!" He grabbed her by the back of the neck and picked her up off the couch.

"Do you have a fucking problem?" He screamed at her. She stayed completely silent and as still as possible. She became a rag doll, in hopes to make him stop. He stared at her expectantly, she did not respond. Finally he dropped her. She hadn't been high off the couch so it didn't hurt as much, but it scared her. Her neck was in pain. She looked up at his eyes, then quickly dropped eye contact. She looked at his bare chest, and looked passed it. She no longer saw him, or where she was. Her vision blurred and her mind empties. She felt alone, which she has always known to be safest.

"Didi, please, make it stop." I said. I knew this story all too well. I knew all of this, all too well. The walls begun to melt again, and we left my old self alone, in a towel with that disgusting monster.

We arrived in a room, My past self laying on a bed in her boyfriends boxers and a bra. Her phone was inches from her face, and it looked like she was seconds from crying.

"He... I find out my boyfriend, who was supposed to come home in a few days, had cheated on me." I say to Didi.

The phone rang and Violet jumped up frightened, but then answers. She puts it to her ear.

"Max?" She whispers, The line on the other end responds. Violet looks like she wants to smile. But she doesn't. Then she slaps her hand over her mouth, trying not to cry out loud.

"He said he wasn't mature enough for this relationship, right here." I said.

"So we won't see each other again?" Violet asked. She had been waiting for him to return for months, and now she will never see him again.

"I love you, so much." She breathed. He hung up. She threw her phone across the room and it slammed into the wall hitting the ground hard. She sobbed, and laid down.

The walls begun to disappear again.

"Didi, why?"

"Why what?" We stayed in the darkness for a few more minutes than usual.

"Why won't you let me die?"

"You know why."

"Well, remind me."

"You don't actually want to die, hun."

"It's better than facing this."

"You think that now."

The next scene was Violet holding a small snake in her hands. My breath caught.

"Azreal."

"Who was he?"

"My beautiful pet baby ball python. He was my best friend, and was there for me when I was alone."

Violet let him slither around her shoulders. He grabbed onto her necklaces and her shirt.

"He became sick though. And passed away, when I needed him most."

The ball python loosened his grip, than rolled of her shoulders, falling to the ground. Violet turned quickly frightened that he had hurt himself, just to find that he was dead on the carpet. She screamed, and sobbed. And I felt the emptiness she felt. The walls melted again.

"I couldn't tell he was sick."

"There's always things you can't see until too late."


	4. Chapter 4

"The death of your snake reminded you of something. What was it?" Didi asked in the darkness

"When I was younger my dog had died. I never dealt with it." I responded.

"And what did all these deaths prepare you for?" Didi asked, egging me on to remember something.

"They did not prepare me." I tried to hold in a sob.

"If you didn't hide your emotions, and tuck them away, then it would of prepared you. People always hide their real emotions. They always lie to themselves." Didi said

"Nothing could of prepared me." I fell to my knees, a pain ripping through my chest and stomach. Tears fell to the darkness below me, walls begun to form around me. I was in my bedroom, it was dark. I was sleeping on my bed when I phone started going off. My ex girlfriend was calling.

"Yuh?" Violet said half awake.

"I'm sorry for calling you so late." she said.

"Is cool. What's up?" Violet's voice crackled.

"Vincent-..." She stopped.

"Blue?" Violet offered Vincent's nickname.

"Yea. That Vincent."

"What happened."

"He died." She said with a hallow voice. Violet didn't understand at first.

"What?" Violet asked.

"He killed himself." She went silent, waiting for a response. Violet had none to give. Violet was numb, and felt cold. She was awake now.

"Are you okay?" Violet asked after a few minutes of silence.

"yeah," She answered. Then continued. " I'll see you at school tomorrow." She hung up. Violet sat in her bed, holding her phone to her ear. She stared into the darkness of her room.

"I was waiting to feel something." I said. The room disappeared.

It reappeared as a school library.

The school was fabricated in a trivial state. Violet walked into the school with her mother. Her eyes felt like deserts, and her mind was full of hullabaloo. She could see her friends, but they were different. They were raw, they had red faces, and didn't look anyone in the eye or look up when spoken to. They were empty. These people that she knew so well for the past few months were empty shells of what she grew to accept them as. 'Is this what suicide does to people?' Violet whispered under her breath.

Violet was hugged by people that she couldn't look at. Councilors smiled and laughed with each other, as grieving students did small crafts sitting alone too broken to speak to each other.

"Are you alright?"

"I knew you were close to them." the voices said soothingly to her.

"Them?" Didi asked. I covered my face with my hand, I didn't want to relive the realization. Violet didn't understand their words, she stared at one book on a bookshelf without really noticing it. Suddenly in her line of vision stood a purple haired girl.

"Amarissa?" Violet asked. Amarissa didn't look too bent. She quickly took Violet in her arms.

"Did you hear about Alex?" She asked. Even though we couldn't see her pain, we heard it in her soft fluctuating voice. Violet nodded, She was still so dazed that she didn't understand. Amarissa shivered and fell deeper into her arms. Violet thought as she held Amarissa, what had Alex done? She expected something dramatic like these other victims of grief. Maybe he got into a fight or slit his wrists, ran away or skipped school. She glazed over the rest of the room, her eyes stopped at her girlfriend. Sarah sat looking down at the table, next to her sat her ex Ally and her best friend Hannah. Ally was staring with false caring eyes at Sarah, with tears streaming down her face.

"He kissed me before he died, you know." Ally cried out, I wasn't sure who she was talking to but I disliked her so close to Sarah. Violet slowly made her way through the crowd to Sarah's table. At arrival, Ally moved seats, giving Violet a space to sit next to Sarah. Violet took it, forcing herself not to glare at Ally's crying face. Hannah's arm was wrapped around Sarah, Violet copied this action, unsure of herself.

"That Ally girl...You dislike her? Why?" Didi asked slowly.

"She was an attention whore, and used Sarah." I glared at Ally. I took a seat near the librarians desk, this was going to last a while. Didi shifted her weight to one leg, smiling at the room.

"Okay guys, fourth period is about to start. We would like it if you all tried to go to class." A very smiley bald man said to the silent room.

"How can he even ask that of us?" Violet whispered. Sarah shrugged and got up.

"I can't believe Alex did that."

"I was wondering why he wasn't here."

" I bet he just did that for attention." Ally snobbishly added to the quiet conversation next to me.

"What did he do?" Violet over heard, and asked Sarah.  
"Who?"

"Alex, everyone's talking about him, what did he do?" Violet asked again.

"You knew him?" Sarah looked worried.

"Well yea, he's Alex," Sarah's eyes grew wide and watery. Sarah didn't know Alex but there was enough talk about him for her to know what happened. She rushed to hug Violet. Now Violet was really worried. "What?" She asked urgently. Sarah held on to her.

"He killed himself Saturday." Sarah hugged tighter. Violet couldn't believe it. _Twice? Twice in one weekend? Two people I knew? How? Why was this happening? To me, no less, what had I done?_

Violets face was pale, and blank.

"Interesting reaction." Didi noted.

"What?" I asked.

"Your not letting your emotions out, so much so that you stopped feeling it. But I promise you'll feel it later." Didi grinned, the grin ran a shiver through my bones.

"Yea, ya think? I feel it everyday now. More reason to end it all." I ignored my frightened state.

"You would really want to end it all on a note like this? You would end something as difficult as your life on a note so tragic that you can't even cry, instead of on a happy note?" Didi said softly. I thought for a few seconds.

"What would happen in the end? Would the kind of note you ended a life at matter? Would it alter your end? Would you go to Hell if you ended on a bad note? In that case Heaven if you landed that last moment on a good one? Why is it so significant to you?" I rambled in a confused rage.

" My dear, if the human brain which I am utilizing right now, had the memory capacity to even hold those answers, do you really think I would be allowed to tell you them?" Didi begun walking through the hallway and away from the school.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Home, Where your current boyfriend has just heard news of your suicide." Didi said.

"Chris? My suicide? Past tense?" I stuttered. The hall morphed around us into my living room, There lay Violet bleeding from her neck. Her breath sputtered to a halt, like a broken-down car. I turned to see Chris standing at the window, his ear to his phone, jaw wide.

"What is this? Ghost of Christmas Future?" I yelled angrily at Didi. She didn't waver.

"Where do you think he got the idea?" She smiled.

"How dare you!" I picked up Violet's phone from the bloody floor. I went to look at the messages, she was still in a call with Chris, How could she call Chris for her last moment? So wrong.

"You were the one with the nerve to do it. Just wait till your mother gets here. And you know who she'll call? Your Dad." Didi chuckled with an evil grimace.

"He won't fly all the way out here to see my dead body." I stated.

"I beg to differ!" The walls melted away. We were outside. Violet's cell phone was gone, and grass was everywhere. People in black stood around a shiny black casket with white lace and pink flowers on top. I looked closer, Chris stood with his family. His mother held him as he shook. My father stood with my brother and sister. My step mom was holding my mother up as she lost balance and her knees grew week. My younger brothers didn't understand, but cried anyways. I was surprised at the amount of children wearing black.

"This is your funeral." Didi said.

"Why is my step mom hugging my mom? They hate each other."

"Tragedy can bring broken people together. You should know."

"Take me away." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"I've seen enough, take me away."

The walls built back up around us. I was back in my kitchen, sitting in a chair, facing the back door. I watched through the back window at the birds, as I felt the ash of my cigaret fall on to my unsuspecting hand. Didi was gone, I looked around the living room to find the blood. Nothing. A cigaret laid lazily on my lips, It's lighter balanced on the table in the kitchen.

I was alone. I was broken. I was alive. So I cried.


End file.
